Stranded…

Far from the madding crowd, I dwelled.

Arrogant and brash, I smirked along

the infallible, convergent road ahead.

Prescience could do me no wrong.

 

Never did I suspect the certitude

I held in autonomy of the mind

rather, swaggered through life with pride,

temerity chanted its anthem behind.

 

This path was born, more of a helpless choice-

when trust betrayed an unblemished soul.

It sought for a placating voice,

but, guttural abyss echoed the call.

 

And presto! here! a boon or bane?

The ego, unable to comprehend, evade…

hapless I stand, it appears insane!

Stranded, perplexity barring any debate.

 

Is it the smile that chose to return?

Or yet another mirage, agonizing pain?

Vulnerable in the paradise, I shiver, I burn.

Set me free, I supplicate within.

Which world to belong!?!

 

Today was a funny day. Funny because, we ended up discussing about the various worlds in telecommunication class. And more funny because for the rest of the class, I sat thinking about it.

Here is what I thought of:

 

THE WORLD OF THE NOSTALGIC

The older generation of any world. The ones who still hold on to the world they were born in, the world which no longer exists. The world in which they were young and healthy, smart and better than a bunch of others. A world where they were the ones who kept asking the key question “WHY?” for which nobody had an answer. These are those who would refuse to quit smoking but refuse to sweep the floor after 6 in the evening just because it was prohibited in their times. These are the people who do not want to adapt. They let go of their age but continue to drift back in time where their idealized nostalgia takes them. These are the ones who do not appreciate any improvements and keep saying, “There is wisdom in the words of our ancestors”… the same ancestors they proudly disobeyed when they were young. They are the ones who convert the people who could have been in the world of dreamers into the frustrated bunch in the world of the stagnated.

   

THE WORLD OF THE STAGNATED

 

The majority of the world that physically and mentally live on planet earth.

The set of people who are happy with what they have around. Not that they don’t crib about it. Yes, of course they do. In fact their major part of the day passes on complaints. But, the stagnation happens because they cease to think. They cease  to dream. They crib but do not imagine the world it would be when they no longer have to crib. These are the stagnated. The ones stuck in their own unhappy worlds, their world of compromises, compromises because of the choices they have made. A world of stagnation because they chose to block it. The world of parasites because they chose to stop thinking and waited for the others to think for them while they continued to live their lives.

 

THE WORLD OF THE DREAMERS

 

Great thinkers, scientists, innovators live in the world of future – a hypothetical world where things are much more than what it is now. More advanced, more complex and still ironically better!! They envision a world which could be much more awesome than what they live in according to the world of the stagnated.  They live in the pain of a dream taking time to materialize, or maybe a dream that they realize, would not materialize in their life but later… They live for those moments of joy that take form when days, months and years of struggle to make the world a better place, brings results. They live in a virtual world where only a few people could reach not because of distance, but because of their vision. They live in a virtual world now, so that the rest of the world could live in it in future… 

   

Each category justifies their existence. Each is willing to prove their school of thought. Each believe they are right.

It is for us to choose which world to belong to. 

The world of the creators, the world of the parasites or the world of the depressed.

REALISE…

Could the marriage of an irrational mind

and swaggering thoughts often left behind,

could the unflinching trust I seem to hold 

in selfishness, unleashed, untold,

could the sanguine awe sans ambiguity enhance

the solitary stupefaction, though so bleak in chance,

materialize the touchstones never defined?

Lest enervated minds would abnegations find.

 

Tiny pebbles let lay the count

with hurdles, vicious, visibly surmount.

Ephemeral fears though taking them far

Incessant tears shall wipe every scar.

Reality – ridiculing the rampant rhymes

Sung in dreams of ambient times.

Yet it endures to sail me through.

Fear of failure, favours few.

 

Deep within the fire, in a fleet of flames,

rises and reaches readied to take to fames.

Need I be dubious where from they come?

Or reasons why its never mundane?

Neither am I am they spell me insane

While wisdom differs, it’s so humane

Sans which akin an army of glass, 

brittle, betrayed, the being surpasses.

 

For reasons unknown, time may crawl

or so it appears at destiny’s call.

Rest shall smoothly sail across

knit dreams then seem despondent, at loss.

Let me not sleep when time still wheels

and set back till the expiry steals.

 

Though weird to minds unclever

wake up O friend, albeit you’ll sleep forever!

Circumvent the regrets, none will arise

Towering dreams that remain, REALISE!!

Virtual world…

 

There are a few occasions, no, many occasions when I get to think of the technological applications that a computer has brought to us. And, when biocomputer science and eco-computer science get defined, I shall rejoice. I shall pay a fortune to own the technology. 

If one wonders what this school of thought could be… then you need to understand the human world without this technology. We all know, necessity is the mother of invention. I would tell you why it is necessary for me.

There are times when I wish I could just LOG OUT of certain places. Imagine, if only could we make a choice of not to be in places for long which only has the potential of giving you limited information or entertainment. 

I wish I could just SPAM people’s conversations with me. I need not even attend to them! What a world could that be! 

I wish I could BLOCK certain people from reaching me at all! 

I wish I could even MOVE TO TRASH a few people. Oh! Sorry, I guess for the public interest and understanding, let me use DELETE. This is the case when they are in your immediate environment and cannot be blocked.

You can even perform a SHIFT DELETE and be sure never to see them again. Oh, dont take it as murder. They will still continue to live, but not for you. I guess, thats all that matters.

Man! Amazing! 

 

But for the others I love, I wish there is as efficient a RETRIEVAL and TRACKING mechanism between people.

If only I could SEARCH AND FIND those loved one back who made me laugh everytime they spoke, just like the wonderful humourous forwards that you get.

If only I could give a KEY WORD and all of them would appear in front of me and I could spend as much time as I want with them.

If only I could DOWNLOAD all the wonderful people who made a difference to me, but are far away.

If only I could just press a key that could take me BACK in time and let me ALTER the silly mistakes that I might have committed but had cost me a friend.

If only I could POP-UP at a friends place and remind him/her that I’m there.

If only I could become virtual and remain so, defining my beautiful world and WIDGET my loved ones together.

I guess, if this could happen I would never be writing this blog.

The art of getting addicted

 

There is no one who is not addicted. It could be anything like a cigarette, drinks, coffee or even coke. And, for me?

 

Those were the days when a mug of coffee at as late as 2-3 a.m. was a trademark.  And as if to complete the scene, Rosh – my darling friend, with her share of the power drink sat with me. Those were the best days when I was so comfortable with myself, more importantly, discussing myself with no apprehensions. Over a coffee mug, there could be no topic left under the sun that must have escaped our eyes, ears and mouth. From then on, coffee mugs were an integral part of my life, at least for a few years. 

Years rolled, change of environment had affected my regular visits and quality time with coffee. Work does this to you. But, this was till I moved into a new place. This was where tea was the most popular and sought after hot drink. Tea could be served to my roomies in baltis and still would not satiate their longing for it. I got glued to it as well. 

Again, a few light moments got associated with tea, the making of it – the appropriate proportion of tea powder, right quantity of milk, water and then, the estimation of the boil. Having done all this the right way, when one holds a mug full of it and sits back… it feels great. Greater still after the first sip. And before you realize, its all gone into the gastro-intestinal cavity for further processing, simultaneously releasing an energy burst that you didn’t know existed within you.

 

Till date, I cannot start a day without a tea. It frustrates me, makes me feel poor, deprived and agitated without a sip of it every morning and evening. Do I call this an addiction?

 

Let me define addiction for the benefit of the discussion in my own ways. An addiction is what that can fail you when you try getting rid of it. It is a parasite that eats on you, nags you while you feel helpless, both in its presence and absence.

What tea is to me is not a parasite. It is to me the reminder of those beautiful moments that could necessarily not have contributed to my intellectual capital, but tremendously to my emotional capital. A living and close example of what I had enjoyed and still enjoy. 

 

But, the only question that taunts me is, though Rosh is still the most wonderful friend I have,  loved and adored, what has happened to coffee? If that is so, when shall tea leave me? Or rather, will I abandon tea as well? If yes, what next?

Confrontations…

What would it be like to confront your life and put it in a capsule form to a friend? What would it be like when you have nothing exciting to tell, only stories of abuse, fights against to many things at the same time and days of discrimination?  What if the person who is listening to you has no idea about the kind of life you are talking about, not even through movies, still when you are totally unsure of how much has already gone into the conversation and how much has been taken? It happened today..

This raises a question in my mind. Does a person confront his/her life to somebody for the sake of letting the other person know what you have gone through and done? Or is it because you are talking to yourself in the true sense – the person (who could either prefer to hear or listen),  being just a mirage, a magic mirror that brings your life live to you as a movie? 

 

Yes, I confront only to selected people. Hardly a fraction of people really know who I am. It happens with everybody. But then, isn’t it because the person is worthy of the whole conversation? Still, then why do I always confront to people who have been through nothing remotely close to what I have? Is it a selfish ego boost that I derive out of it? Or maybe is it that I am insecure?

 

Then, I should say, why not option 2? Maybe I am just discussing with and reminding myself of what I am, who I have been and triggering a thought process of what I should become. But, who on earth would ever like to think of the hardships they have undergone? Don’t we often hear that miseries are always forgotten and that the beautiful memories remain and are treasured. 

 

One of the sentences I used today to tell my friend what my life was like was,  ” To make a man grow, one has to put him up, tell him how good he is, how good he can be and make him feel like a king. Else, either you make an enemy or exhaust all the drive in him to achieve. A woman on the other hand, needs to be looked down upon, needs to be thrown into the dirtiest of the ditches, insulted to the core and denied the most basic respect and recognition of all. And, what you will see will be the most remarkable form of growth ever.” 

 

I guess, while one struggles to get answers and tries reaching out to the world for it, get disappointed in the course and comes back to rely on her own intuition, she will know that the source of all answers is she herself.

Shard of truth

It is an amazing experience to learn that you can never make friends. It is a tough lesson, perhaps the toughest. But if you learn it, things get easier, much more than you anticipate it to be. 

I say this because I know, not by word of mouth but by experience. There is no one whom you can call a friend. It is as relative as the term relativity. What you perceive is too different from what gets delivered. But there is nothing like it to know this truth and rejoice. All the more reason to be a self centered person, self content and proud about it. 

Im weird? yes I am. You disagree? Well, its your call. You agree? Then I go back and correct myself. YOU are THE friend I thought I would find. 

What it takes to make a shoes is only for the cobbler to know, what it takes to bring it back worser and older is for everyone… But when the shoe finds the cobbler all by itself… there is nothing like it.